Friday, 18 November 2016

Anti Bullying Week - My Story!

I was watching "This Morning" early in the week and I was totally moved by a phone call from a Mum regards how bullying was having a very serious impact on her son's life. 
Being a mum now myself and after the bullying that I've faced in the past, I thought that I would share my story here on my blog and open up to you about how bullying affected me.

I think my first memory of being bullied goes back to being only 5 years old I remember having this ragdoll. I thought she was wonderful, she was nothing special just a soft ragdoll with wool hair and a dress. I took ragdoll to school with me and at playtime took her onto the playing field. I remember all the girls picking on me because I was carrying her with me and one girl grabbed my ragdoll's arm and pulled, within seconds there was a ripping sound and my dolls' arm was placed firming in my bullies grasp. I stood there heartbroken and in floods of tears confused by how I was being treated and sadden by the fact that something that I loved so dearly had been ripped into pieces. I just didn't get it! I'd done nothing to upset them (the bullies) however they were doing everything they could to upset me. EVERY SINGLE DAY!

My mum soon found out about what I was going through at school and made the teachers aware of my bullying. They said they would do what they could do to support me and keep an eye on the situation.... Hmm...

I was bullied through all of my school life. My Junior School was an all Girls School. I had a few close friends and enjoyed their company. However, break times were always horrible as I was made to feel unwelcome in the playground area, therefore, I would sit alone reading or actually sit and cry somewhere alone. The bullying got to me sometimes so much that I would fake feeling ill just so that I could go and lie down away from the bullies in the school nurses room. I look back at it now and think why the heck Clare did you let these girls get away with treating you like this and why did you let them affect your life so much. However, when you're in the situation at a young age it's very easy to feel trapped and you can feel stuck.

Secondary School wasn't any better. I was uncool! I wasn't in the IT CROWD! I had a bob hair cut and spent most of my time rehearsing songs in the music rooms at break time instead of sneaking over the hill for a crafty fag! My time at this school was an interesting one regards bullying. I actually came face to face again with the girl who bullied me when I was 5! She asked to speak to me and I remember walking outside and around the school building and chatting. She apologised to me for all the bullying when I was young. I asked her why she did it and she didn't have an answer for me.... She just said she didn't know! 

I accepted her apology that day and moved forward and I think that helped me to close the door on a painful chapter of my life.

During my Secondary School Days, I had some really hateful things thrown in my face. I was called a "Fat Cow" and other awful things. It was a vicious circle too because over time I got more and more unsure about myself and became more and more unhappy and I ended up just getting off the school bus walking to the village shop and buying lots of chocolate to eat night after night after night. This, in turn, made me gain more weight fueling the bullies more and more.

I do have a positive to this story, though. I would actually like to thank someone. 

S was my First Boyfriend and my First Love. He was the one person who didn't let the bullies win. As soon as the bullies found out that we were dating he got abuse and grief about it, HOWEVER, he decided to stick with me and no matter how much rubbish got thrown his way he comforted me and supported and loved me and for that I'll forever be grateful! 

 I wanted to share with you where I've been and how I got to where I am now....

The bullies laughed at me rehearsing my singing and practising music every break time. Music became my full-time career and thanks to singing I've toured all over the UK & Abroad, I've sung at really large events and performed on stage alongside some famous names, I've also starred in a TV advert, Won a HUGE competition and been seen on Sky, BBC and ITV in various TV shows! The bullies made me even more determined to succeed... So thanks, guys and gurls for helping my career!!! 

I guess my point is. Don't let the bullies win! Remember it's not you, it's them who have the problem. Often bullies feel very unsure and insecure about themselves. Therefore they chose to project their own insecurities onto others in the hope to feel better about themselves. If you yourself are reading this as a victim of bullying please remember you are a beautiful and wonderful person who deserves to live a happy and fulfilled life and don't be scared to ask for support and help. Share the fact that you're being bullied with friends and family or your school or workplace. Don't try to deal with it alone... and one final word for bullies. Think about the impact you are having on someone's life and how unhappy you are making them feel. How would you feel if you were being bullied by you? Not great huh!?

There's some great information here: